I was Cindi Mayweather for Halloween

Here are some pictures. I'll let the story be told underneath them for those who don't like reading. (Don't worry, I don't particularly like reading either, so I won't be offended nor am I making a "you're not intelligent" jab.)

These are some photos that inspired the costume and expressions

I genuinely thought it was gonna be the night that rocked my world!

 And it ended like this.

I went as the Archandroid, Cindi Mayweather, an Alpha Platinum 9000 who saves the world from it's own destruction. I didn't deliver as that character at all that night.

That night I swore to myself I would never drink again. 

I got so drunk that I couldn't even throw up 

I got so drunk that I regretted everything I had ever done that involved alcohol ever

I got so drunk that I began to despise whoever invented the ETOH substance. 

I just became so not about everything that was happening... unless it involved twerking. I was down to twerk! But at an EDM festival... Not very fitting. Needless to say, EDM festivals? Not my element.

We went to the club because a guy said we should ditch the festival and go to a club. This is where I twerked. Clubs? My element.

After 20 minutes he was ready to go back to the hotel so I summoned the cab. 

After 2 minutes in the cab, he was wondering why we weren't at the club :/

We got to the hotel and this is where I attempted to throw up and couldn't so I just went number two instead. 

After 5 minutes on the toilet he was ready to go back out to the club or SOMETHING. 

He was banging on my door saying something like "Acacia! Me and you are going back out! It is too early to be in a hotel, we need to have more fun! You're like the coolest one here! We have to go back out! You have twenty minutes to get off of that toilet and be ready to go!!!!"

And I relied something like "Mehehhhhhehhehehhhhhhh :[" I didn't want to stand up ever again. 

I tried to squeeze out anything that would go through either end until he forgot he wanted to go out. He did after 10 minutes and so I washed my hands and made my move to the bed. [That's where I took that last picture] and then I went to sleep!

I woke up the next morning [bed arrangements were my two good buds in the bed, me and this guy in the couchbed] at about six to find two guys laying to my left. Had no idea where this guy came from. 

The End.

[And yes, I'm sure I wasn't raped.]

Love is a Gamble

[This is a late post... Sorry guys.]

Well. Time came before I had prepared it to, as usual... and I had to watch him leave two months before he was supposed to and suddenly... it felt like my life was walking away. As much as I hate to admit things like that these days, it really felt like a good chunk of me was missing after he was gone. 

What's beautiful is that he was a risk that I took. I'm a feeler. I like to feel things, it lets me know that I'm alive. I took the risk of loving him while knowing good and well what would come in the future. He was leaving regardless but, I was loving him regardless. I wanted to feel how he could make me feel; I felt that feeling could have been worth the feeling of emptiness I'd feel in the end. And let me tell you, it was. :] 

I thoroughly believe you cannot have joy without pain. Joy is the pleasure and pain cycle. There were a couple of sacrifices that needed to be made in order for me to feel what I felt. It was as though I was walking a plank blind to what was below. I knew it would be an ocean because I was told that that was what I was jumping into but really... :] Really, I jumped into the sky... 

Let me explain, metaphorically. It was as though I expected the crash of the waves when really I was not jumping to my death at all, I was jumping into at least a little more future. I did expect to die, to hurt, just for the pleasure of the fall. I sacrificed my sight. I didn't know what kind of fall it would be. Would I trip, fall, hit the plank with my belly, then roll off? Would I hit my head on the way down? I had no idea, but I tied my bandanna around my eyes walked and jumped anyways, just to feel what the fall felt like even though I expected a cold and salty demise. But what's beautiful... is that... I'm flying now (or falling from the sky, I don't know. I can't see anything.). I'm not in at all in any type of murky water. What I had been starving for has been elongated, extended, and I'm just loving the fall. 

I've learned early that love is indeed a gamble, but this time (so far) it seems I'm coming out on top :]

Time for an update?

Meh. It's been about a month plus since my last blog. I'm solely inspired by boredom right now and that's unfortunate, but an update is way overdue. For some reason I'm using this website more and more as a diary and I know that because I want this format to be in chronological order catching you, the reader, up on what's been going on in my life. What's worse is that that is basically the format of my whole blog. But I wouldn't read my own post if it went that way, so I'm not gonna do it like that, and I'll try to keep it interesting with whatever style my fingers decide to type today... What to write, what to write...

SKIP TO HERE IF YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR RAMBLING!!!

I tend to make things a big deal...

Like everything that shouldn't be a big deal is a huge deal to me. Being late to work is an okay sized deal to everyone else, but to me it's HUGE DEAL!!! It reflects my character, my being as a person! To others, they're just late and they won't be late again... they think... Me, I dwell on it at least for a couple of days, because it does come back and bite you in the butt... the more it occurs.

I'm black. My race, we are subject to many stereotypes (as every race is). One of those stereotypes: poor time management. Me? I'm punctual as fuck. I was trained that way in early high school! As a requirement in my show choir, we had to be anywhere we needed to be at least fifteen minutes early or else we were late. It was an expectation that turned into a habit. No matter where I needed to be, I was there at LEAST fifteen minutes before the start time.

I made the mistake of going to an HBCU for my post high school education. That's where I learned that if you were early to anything, you were an idiot because you wouldn't be joined at the venue by your fellow peers for another hour fifteen. (I'm exaggerating, but black folks there generally fit the poor time management stereotype stiletto perfectly, I'm talkin a Cinderella match up in this bit...) Two and a half years there, before I return home, and my punctuality became run on sentences that couldn't get anywhere on time. I was late to more things than I had ever been in my life.

I had two jobs and about two hours of sleep on the days I worked both jobs (up to three days a week). I had one job working graveyard and then a regular day job. My night job was my primary and the job I enjoyed going to more (I love both of them, I'm just a person that shamelessly picks favorites) was about a forty minute commute from my apartment as well as the primary job. I was putting in 40 hours for both jobs. 160 hours a month. And I was doing fine, simply because I'd get off one job and head out to the other job right after, take a good little thirty minute nap in the car, and be up for the next shift. Trouble started the most when I was switched from early shift to late shift. Instead of coming into my second job at 7:30 I was coming in at 9:30. Sounds like a blessing right? I thought the same thing at first.

Instead of being able to enjoy the new hour and a half of sleep I could get, I would enjoy a new two hours, or 4 hours of sleep and be later to work than 8 months. (it's a pregnancy joke.) It put me in a really uncomfortable position because I'm not used to being late to any thing ESPECIALLY a place of employment where they are PAYING ME to be there. It made me really sad and distressed and I would stress the more I thought about how I was going to get to work on time (every weekday.).

One day, I was given my last-shot-to-get-it-right-because-we-really-like-you warning. Another day, I woke up in bed twenty minutes before my shift started. Remember I told you it takes FORTY minutes to get there? Yeah. I wasn't gonna make it. And I didn't. I dreaded every minute of the drive over there and died more and more with every minute after I was supposed to be there. It was over. And I was fired. And my heart was broken. I did it to myself. I expanded myself way to much. I didn't quit while I was ahead. I bit off wayyyy more than I could chew. The job was only supposed to last the summer, but they asked if I would stay and I said "Of course!" I loved it there! Why would I trade this experience with a normal life and sleep? The connections I made there were priceless and the company showed their appreciation for me and I did the same back to them; it was nothing but love. But!! Too much of a good won't be good forever...

So there, an update on yet another lesson learned in the life of a leo. Go far, enjoy life, but only if you're not killing yourself for it.