Love is a Gamble

[This is a late post... Sorry guys.]

Well. Time came before I had prepared it to, as usual... and I had to watch him leave two months before he was supposed to and suddenly... it felt like my life was walking away. As much as I hate to admit things like that these days, it really felt like a good chunk of me was missing after he was gone. 

What's beautiful is that he was a risk that I took. I'm a feeler. I like to feel things, it lets me know that I'm alive. I took the risk of loving him while knowing good and well what would come in the future. He was leaving regardless but, I was loving him regardless. I wanted to feel how he could make me feel; I felt that feeling could have been worth the feeling of emptiness I'd feel in the end. And let me tell you, it was. :] 

I thoroughly believe you cannot have joy without pain. Joy is the pleasure and pain cycle. There were a couple of sacrifices that needed to be made in order for me to feel what I felt. It was as though I was walking a plank blind to what was below. I knew it would be an ocean because I was told that that was what I was jumping into but really... :] Really, I jumped into the sky... 

Let me explain, metaphorically. It was as though I expected the crash of the waves when really I was not jumping to my death at all, I was jumping into at least a little more future. I did expect to die, to hurt, just for the pleasure of the fall. I sacrificed my sight. I didn't know what kind of fall it would be. Would I trip, fall, hit the plank with my belly, then roll off? Would I hit my head on the way down? I had no idea, but I tied my bandanna around my eyes walked and jumped anyways, just to feel what the fall felt like even though I expected a cold and salty demise. But what's beautiful... is that... I'm flying now (or falling from the sky, I don't know. I can't see anything.). I'm not in at all in any type of murky water. What I had been starving for has been elongated, extended, and I'm just loving the fall. 

I've learned early that love is indeed a gamble, but this time (so far) it seems I'm coming out on top :]