Different.

Different.

Have you ever sat back and watched people react to something different?

Like the first time I tried Indian food. I was maybe 7 years old and it was so different from anything I had ever tasted and I didn't like it all. I still don't.

As an adult and a self proclaimed human analyzer, I sit back sometimes and watch things happen. Lately I've been watching situations where a stable, covalent group of people are met with an individual who is not like them. In some cases I see people embrace the differences within that person sometimes even praising that person for their differences. Most times, however, the group typically separates themselves from that person. I remember reading about the law of attraction in my Cultural Diversity textbook. The theory states that people are attracted to people like them and they will most likely shun those who are not.

It's unfortunate that [theoretically] human nature works that way. From what I've learned in my studies is that we (human beings) naturally discriminate/are prejudice against one another. There is so much potential in people; even though one may not look like you, speak like you, comprehend the way you do, learn like you, walk like you, you like you, they may have the ability to benefit the group, your life, the situation drastically, if you just give them the chance to be them without interruption. Without the cold shoulder, the glares, the negative comments, the GOSSIP!!! the like...

I am currently witnessing a lady that is being discriminated against for not having the same style of thinking and learning as everybody else. People almost immediately got annoyed and impatient and now they are seeming to team up with one another to get her gone. I get along with the lady just fine; literally, the only thing that is the problem is that she does not learn with the method the group is using to teach. All we have to do is adjust to her learning style and she's got the processes in the BAG! The group would have her do all the extra special strenuous work (even though they show that they don't believe she has the brain capacity to complete the task correctly) and by maybe four occurrences, she had the process down because one person decided to teach her the way she should be taught. Treat her the way she should be treated.

The amount of people that talk about this person behind her back is ridiculous. A situation this morning, even, brought something else to my attention. Something that I learned very early in life (Like early school, 5 or 6 years old) that I had forgotten because... I myself seemed to fall into the category, or culture, per say. People will do what everyone else will do. And [don't you knock my grammar] what I mean by that is this; People crave the feeling of feeling important and unfortunately, this is a thirst that is hardly ever quenched. When one is accepted in a group, a bit of that craving is fulfilled and since we want so much to be accepted, we will continue to do what is acceptable. "When in Rome..." Try this at home. Next time you are at work make a situation where you have an idea. Have a buddy in on the test say that "Well that's a stupid idea" or the like and observe how the rest of the team reacts. Do the same for the opposite response ("Wow, that could really work." or "That's a good idea.") and observe how the team reacts to that as well. Unfortunately, because of this longing for acceptance, most humans are not very good at being true individuals.

Because that coded want to be important exists alongside the code of people wanting only for themselves as well as the code of not accepting others' difference, it causes indefinite separation in the community which is only counterproductive for the whole. Can we make it a goal to speak to or bond with somebody we never thought we would know? To share ideas with somebody you think is "crazy"?

If we all committed effort to build a relationship with just one person we would typically never talk to, we could learn a worlds worth of knowledge.

Let's try that.

My Thoughts Immediately: Girl Bye.

This is an impulsive blog post. I haven't calmed myself down or had a rational thought session just yet. This is purely emotional and it won't be a long post. It will be vague though.

A lady walks in with a man. After politely being offered [by me] for assistance, She impolitely, quite rudely actually, declined.

Ugh. Turn down.

She immediately takes the offer that I gave her as if she knew what the f__k she was doing when she walked in this bit. Got what she needed to get where she was goin... And I don't know what made her say this but as one of the staff asked her who she was she says
 "Oh, I'm his girlfriend. We've been together for ten years! :D"

I'm just like....

Fa real? You're grinning and you've been with a man that after ten years won't put a ring on it? (and by ring, I don't mean the material ring I mean "get married to you" "declare officially that you two are committed partners" the like.)
I see why you're so rude, but I don't see why you're smiling. You're in the process of being bamboozled.

But giiiiiirl, be proud of yo man!!! #imbeingcompletelysarcasticthough

Girl Bye.

People: Why does it have to be all about "me"?

The third principle in How To Win Friends And Influence People elaborates the fact that people are only concerned about themselves and what they want. If you want to influence people, you must bring out a want within them to do what you are influencing them to do. To do that, you must know how to see from their point of view as well as your own. That's all I'm going to mention about the book because this blog is not a book review post.

I'm contemplating on whether or not I should share the exact situation or just a very vague gist...

Very Vague Gist:

So I'm the type of person that likes to help people. When it comes to being part of a group that shares a common goal, I like to have it so we all, as a group, succeed together! You know, Ubuntu and shit. So like. When I run into a conflict where the group is not on one accord, I like to think of solutions. Chaos does not bring organization in any form. Not even if it's organized chaos. Because your organization... is chaotic. I digress.

In every "organized" group, no matter how accidental it is, barely implied it is, or just kind of apparent it is, there is a group leader, or set of group leaders. I am one who likes to be in this position. I like to lead, it's what I was born, raised, and trained to do. Unfortunately, I am not considered as one in this position, so when I was confronted by chaos, I approached the group leaders with a request for help in producing a possible solution that would help the group be on one accord, be more productive, and move more smoothly toward our goal. I did so in a non-threatening manner, just asking for a bit of help, suggesting that maybe if they needed anything from me to help them help me to ask me and I would definitely be willing to do so.

After approaching these leaders, one of the leaders spoke to me as if I was the one that was confused. As if I were the root of the problem. As if I had come incorrect [And I'm altering the slang phrase "come correct" here; synonymous to slang terms like "stay in your lane" and "you betta recognize" which basically means to know your place in status in a certain situation. I apparently wasn't demonstrating my knowing of my place, recognizing, or the lane I was supposed to be staying in]. She answered my question but... she only told me the solution to the problem. But I was not the only one suffering.

I can't help everybody in the group with the information you gave me. I can only reach the people that I see from time to time. I knew you had the answer. I knew you had the power to reach everybody in the group. That's why I suggested a solution that would help the group not me.

Then I asked somebody near and dear to me. Why would the leader decide not to help their people?

What I got from the discussion we had (and perception screws with reality, so what my interpretation is may not be the message this person tried to give to me) was that this leader saw me as a threat. Making moves to help the people as a leader should, the leader had to extinguish my fire of potential advancement. I was showing evidence of being a good leader maybe in the future and that is that person's reputation. That's what that person is supposed to be seen as. And obviously this time she wasn't because the group came to me, not that person, for their concerns.

My question is; why must one only think of him/herself, especially in a group that shares a common goal. A theory that I have is that when a person in a group becomes a leader, they think less and less about the group and more about themselves and their position especially when that position needs protecting. Why can't we step back and look at the group as a whole and see how that is doing?! A group leader that works for the good of a group produces a good team that steadily moves toward their goal and that team looks darn good. Guess who the head of that team is? The team leader! The leader of a darn good lookin' team looks pretty fantastic. But NO! This group leader decides to look at his/herself and has a team that looks like blundering idiots and refuses to do anything about it. And when a group member suggests a solution, he/she shoots it down, for WHAT?! YOUR position?! BAH! It makes me sick.

We need to remember that we cannot do anything by ourselves. From birth to the day we die we need somebody to help in multiple points in time. Unity. Unity is what we all need. As a group, as a neighborhood, as a region, as a nation, as a world. Let's not have selfishness blind us and lead us to the path of stupidity. Let's not just think about ourselves.

But really, how many people would actually take that advice?

Things I think about people I hate

This'll be a quick one.

I only "hate" (and I don't really hate her, but she's the closest thing to it) one person. And I hate her because I'm jealous.

I'm such a hater. If I would be completely honest, I'd say that she is a beautiful, talented individual, and I totally see why errybody and dey mama loves this woman. She's got everything going for her and I have every reason to be happy for her. But I'm not. Cuz I hate her. Cuz I'm jealous.

She seems to be the only one from high school that kept her "peak." You know, I've watched a lot of "popular" people from high school graduate and immediately get obnoxiously fat, married way too early (and I'm judging here), have kids, the like. High School was their lives and then when they made their way out, it was gone. But her, she graduated, got engaged, and is still just doin her thug thizzle. Living her life, while I lurk in the facebook shadows. Stalking. Waiting for it to all go downhill. :/

[I wasn't popular until college. And I dropped out. So my peak was very short lived...]

I swear she keeps her facebook off of private just for me and all her other haters. I think I'm the most obsessed. It's like there's a biological clock that tells me "Heeeeyyyy!! You haven't checked on ol' girl in a while! Maybe her life has finally gone to shit!" But every time I check, without fail, she's doing even better than she was the last time I checked.

And as I scroll through her pics and oh so hilarious posts I think;

Sheesh! Hurry up and get fat already!!

I hope he cheats on you...

Why are you always so damn happy?!

Where is this personal catastrophe that is waaaaaay overdue?!

Geez, can we just like.... switch lives or something?!

How is it that that many people liking your posts?

Of course you're happy with the way high school went for you...

Ugggggghhhh just stop being so... everything already... :/

The list could go on.




But I seriously can't wait till she gets fat.

How to Win: "Don't criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances"

Lincoln's quote [in the title] is basically a bottom line for the first principle

Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.

This chapter speaks about understanding and taking into consideration why people do the things they do. The author used an example that really stuck out to me by using the short reading piece called Father Forgets [here's a link]. In the selection a father is talking to his son about how he (dad) had been applying the expectations of his own life (dad's life) onto his life (the child's life... geez, I can't English) and had been treating him unfairly for it. He would deny him attention and act nastily toward him for not being the gentleman he wanted to raise... at 4 years old. This was not fair because a young boy would not know to hold his shoulders back and be a man just yet and Daddy realized that, apologized, and accepted his son the way he was. 

What I get from just that excerpt is that people often look at what other people do in a view of their own circumstances causing them to have an invalid way of thinking about what "should" have been done. For example, your buddy Joe is walking toward the girl of his dreams and on the way over, he trips and falls on what seems like nothing. You see a little while after the fall that there is a small curb that he might have tripped on, and it looks like he would have been able to see it because if you were as close as he was to it you would have seen it. You come to the conclusion that he tripped on the curb, but really, Joe's shoelaces are a bit long and although tied, he still managed to step on them as he walked over. But you wouldn't know that, because you're too busy thinking about how dumb Joe was to not pick his feet up over the curb that he didn't trip on. 

I learned exactly why it's not ideal to criticize someone; that would be because (and I'm quoting the chapter, using the words the author used, just in a different order and more condensed) people are emotional beings who have prejudices and are motivated by pride and vanity. They won't blame themselves for anything they do (typically) and criticizing them for something they do/their action/reaction (which involves their environment, their perception, thinking, and deciding) will only push them to become defensive, defend themselves for their action, and will also brew a new resentment which tarnishes the relationship between you and that person.

Arousing resentment is the most important. If somebody doesn't like you, they won't respect you, and you won't be able to influence them effectively. If you must try to modify someone's behavior, do so in a positive manner, do it in a pleasant tone rather than an authoritative one and praise those who perform the task you want while not acknowledging those who do the opposite. 

Here are some quotes that I found significant in the chapter:

"As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation." - Hans Selye

"Don't criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances." - Abraham Lincoln

"Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof when your own door step is uncleared" - Confucius

"I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know of everybody" - Benjamin Franklin

"A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men" - Carlyle 

Bottom Line: Instead of criticizing and condemning people, let's try to understand why they do the things they do. It breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness

I will keep a log reflecting how well I did at this principle at the end of the week.

Riddle Me This: Fat Pockets

I have been wondering about this for years. 

I just read a chapter of a book that told me not to criticize, condemn, or complain... but I'll start on that diet tomorrow. I need to get this off of my chest. 

What

On Earth

Is SOOOO wonderful

About ass and titties?! Booty and boobs?!

They are literally just pockets of fat, sometimes enormous amounts of fat, on a woman's body?

Is it special because the man doesn't have any of that? Cuz they like vagina too and that's an oven for babies. A wet oven used to bake babies. [But I do understand the instinctual reasons why males (most males) like vagina]

But like what is so attractive about the massive amounts of FAT in a woman's behind and chest area?! IT'S FAT!!! Like, women and muscle, I understand, that's physical fitness I guess? I don't care much for it... but like ...

If we had massive amounts of fat in our face cheeks instead of our butt cheeks would that be thing? Or like if our love handles were just extra chunky but boobs weren't a thing?

How come it's not sexy when a woman has massive amounts of fat in their guts!?

I'm just saying, I don't get it.

Please, riddle me this.

Mission Self-Betterment: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

So. Lately I have been unhappy about the way that... I don't get my way. It's not even like I'm trying to take advantage of people, I'm seriously just trying to help... I'm just not persuading or appealing enough to make people think that what I have to say is important enough to act on.

As a younger person, I was a natural leader. I don't think much has changed about me since then, I honestly think it's the way people become more confident in themselves and their own decisions as they grow. I don't know... maybe I did change. Maybe I became arrogant. Maybe I became a brat. Regardless. I want to be a better leader. I have good intentions in that I don't like to force people to do what they don't need to do. This makes me a horrible saleswoman and an awful scam artist. Mary Kay was not my thing.

"Yeah, so I really like this lip stick. The color really pops and it last for like, ever. It's just $18... for each tube...."

"O__O"

"Yeah, never mind. That's expensive as fuck."

Didn't go too well. I wouldn't spend that much for... dinner. or something. That's way too much money!!!

I don't commit to suggesting things that I know aren't important, but when something is important I commit. Hard. And do my best to get my point across, and then... They do the opposite of what I suggested. And that, my friends, I do not dig.

I picked up a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie and I really enjoy the style of the writing. He breaks the ideas down into principles, granted, I only got to the end of the second principle, but so far I'm diggin' the layout and I've learned two principles already! :D

What I plan to do with this page is document my winning-friends-and-influencing-people journey and also, finish a book for the first time since seventh grade... :/

SO! Hopefully this Blogger can support the way I plan to carry out this blog.