The third principle in How To Win Friends And Influence People elaborates the fact that people are only concerned about themselves and what they want. If you want to influence people, you must bring out a want within them to do what you are influencing them to do. To do that, you must know how to see from their point of view as well as your own. That's all I'm going to mention about the book because this blog is not a book review post.
I'm contemplating on whether or not I should share the exact situation or just a very vague gist...
Very Vague Gist:
So I'm the type of person that likes to help people. When it comes to being part of a group that shares a common goal, I like to have it so we all, as a group, succeed together! You know, Ubuntu and shit. So like. When I run into a conflict where the group is not on one accord, I like to think of solutions. Chaos does not bring organization in any form. Not even if it's organized chaos. Because your organization... is chaotic. I digress.
In every "organized" group, no matter how accidental it is, barely implied it is, or just kind of apparent it is, there is a group leader, or set of group leaders. I am one who likes to be in this position. I like to lead, it's what I was born, raised, and trained to do. Unfortunately, I am not considered as one in this position, so when I was confronted by chaos, I approached the group leaders with a request for help in producing a possible solution that would help the group be on one accord, be more productive, and move more smoothly toward our goal. I did so in a non-threatening manner, just asking for a bit of help, suggesting that maybe if they needed anything from me to help them help me to ask me and I would definitely be willing to do so.
After approaching these leaders, one of the leaders spoke to me as if I was the one that was confused. As if I were the root of the problem. As if I had come incorrect [And I'm altering the slang phrase "come correct" here; synonymous to slang terms like "stay in your lane" and "you betta recognize" which basically means to know your place in status in a certain situation. I apparently wasn't demonstrating my knowing of my place, recognizing, or the lane I was supposed to be staying in]. She answered my question but... she only told me the solution to the problem. But I was not the only one suffering.
I can't help everybody in the group with the information you gave me. I can only reach the people that I see from time to time. I knew you had the answer. I knew you had the power to reach everybody in the group. That's why I suggested a solution that would help the group not me.
Then I asked somebody near and dear to me. Why would the leader decide not to help their people?
What I got from the discussion we had (and perception screws with reality, so what my interpretation is may not be the message this person tried to give to me) was that this leader saw me as a threat. Making moves to help the people as a leader should, the leader had to extinguish my fire of potential advancement. I was showing evidence of being a good leader maybe in the future and that is that person's reputation. That's what that person is supposed to be seen as. And obviously this time she wasn't because the group came to me, not that person, for their concerns.
My question is; why must one only think of him/herself, especially in a group that shares a common goal. A theory that I have is that when a person in a group becomes a leader, they think less and less about the group and more about themselves and their position especially when that position needs protecting. Why can't we step back and look at the group as a whole and see how that is doing?! A group leader that works for the good of a group produces a good team that steadily moves toward their goal and that team looks darn good. Guess who the head of that team is? The team leader! The leader of a darn good lookin' team looks pretty fantastic. But NO! This group leader decides to look at his/herself and has a team that looks like blundering idiots and refuses to do anything about it. And when a group member suggests a solution, he/she shoots it down, for WHAT?! YOUR position?! BAH! It makes me sick.
We need to remember that we cannot do anything by ourselves. From birth to the day we die we need somebody to help in multiple points in time. Unity. Unity is what we all need. As a group, as a neighborhood, as a region, as a nation, as a world. Let's not have selfishness blind us and lead us to the path of stupidity. Let's not just think about ourselves.
But really, how many people would actually take that advice?
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