Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
This chapter speaks about understanding and taking into consideration why people do the things they do. The author used an example that really stuck out to me by using the short reading piece called Father Forgets [here's a link]. In the selection a father is talking to his son about how he (dad) had been applying the expectations of his own life (dad's life) onto his life (the child's life... geez, I can't English) and had been treating him unfairly for it. He would deny him attention and act nastily toward him for not being the gentleman he wanted to raise... at 4 years old. This was not fair because a young boy would not know to hold his shoulders back and be a man just yet and Daddy realized that, apologized, and accepted his son the way he was.
What I get from just that excerpt is that people often look at what other people do in a view of their own circumstances causing them to have an invalid way of thinking about what "should" have been done. For example, your buddy Joe is walking toward the girl of his dreams and on the way over, he trips and falls on what seems like nothing. You see a little while after the fall that there is a small curb that he might have tripped on, and it looks like he would have been able to see it because if you were as close as he was to it you would have seen it. You come to the conclusion that he tripped on the curb, but really, Joe's shoelaces are a bit long and although tied, he still managed to step on them as he walked over. But you wouldn't know that, because you're too busy thinking about how dumb Joe was to not pick his feet up over the curb that he didn't trip on.
I learned exactly why it's not ideal to criticize someone; that would be because (and I'm quoting the chapter, using the words the author used, just in a different order and more condensed) people are emotional beings who have prejudices and are motivated by pride and vanity. They won't blame themselves for anything they do (typically) and criticizing them for something they do/their action/reaction (which involves their environment, their perception, thinking, and deciding) will only push them to become defensive, defend themselves for their action, and will also brew a new resentment which tarnishes the relationship between you and that person.
Arousing resentment is the most important. If somebody doesn't like you, they won't respect you, and you won't be able to influence them effectively. If you must try to modify someone's behavior, do so in a positive manner, do it in a pleasant tone rather than an authoritative one and praise those who perform the task you want while not acknowledging those who do the opposite.
Here are some quotes that I found significant in the chapter:
"As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation." - Hans Selye
"Don't criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances." - Abraham Lincoln
"Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof when your own door step is uncleared" - Confucius
"I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know of everybody" - Benjamin Franklin
"A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men" - Carlyle
Bottom Line: Instead of criticizing and condemning people, let's try to understand why they do the things they do. It breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness
I will keep a log reflecting how well I did at this principle at the end of the week.
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