Nothing In My Life is Happening

Please excuse the poor grammar in the title. For those who haven't been reading my blog so far (which is just about everybody...), I don't use very good grammar while I blog. Most times I don't use grammar correctly for the sake of getting how I feel across, giving the reader a chance to step into my mind and hear how unfunctional I speak in my head. I don't make sense in many ways. Other times, I promise I read the line over and over again and can't think of a better way to word it. I'm not a high school drop out, I promise.

Thanks for reading my disclaimer. Let's move on.

I have basically been a sitting duck for almost a year. December 2013 I dropped out of college. I didn't think that was what I was doing but that is what I ended up doing. I was supposed to get my transcripts sent to some colleges back home, which is where I fled, so I could continue my education there. What I actually did was left college and proceeded to sit on my ass... with flair! I got two jobs, made a whole lot of money, moved out of my parents house, spent a whole lot of money, turned 21, got drunk, got a boyfriend, got fired, got a dog... all that I have in my posession and none of this is going to better my future... except maybe my boyfriend if I actually start to act on his advise. The guy's a genius, I swear.

But nothing is happening. Half of my monthly pay goes to rent. The other half goes to food, gas, and other junk so it's not like I'm SAVING any money or anything. My goal when I got back here from school was to buy a house. That's not gonna happen. I'm a smart person, I should be in college, but the more I'm not in college, the more I'm not sure what I wanna do. I mean, I know I want to make a difference in a significant amount of people's lives but what career path is that? I am [was] a psychology major. I wanted to counsel but I wasn't sure for what. After working in an ER I wanted to specialize in treating schizophrenia and other disorders in the sections schizophrenia is in (It's been so long I can't remember if that's a schizoid disorder or a psychotic disorder...). After working in an ER even longer, I am pretty sure that is not what I want to do anymore. Now I'm just... clueless. Lazy and clueless.

I have the idea that if I just go back to school and expose myself to that education again, I'll get my passion for it back up and I could better determine what it is that I actually want to do, but I like... Don't want to do it.

What kind of erks [or urks? whatever] me is the fact that people get careers without even attending college, like bro! How the heck do you do that!? That's what I need, just make my own little career and professional category. Like a Professional Certified Day Brightener or something! Paid the big bucks!! But... hey, the world's not a perfect one.